I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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