the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
