Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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