I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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