I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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