Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
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We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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