Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
