just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize