How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
