If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
false alarm, still single
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
