I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
