Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
