The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I pour the whiskey from now on
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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