are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
dude. I can hear the air.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
