does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
