when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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