I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
