distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
