you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
