I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just googled if crying burns calories
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
