I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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