He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
