I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
