i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
