it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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