M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
