I just saw a hot homeless man
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
