her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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