CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
