uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
