Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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