This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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