I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize