mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
