you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I puked a lego.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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