I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
