38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
