Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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