positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
