His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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