I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
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are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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