i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
