I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
