Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
