Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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