p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
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did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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