he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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