I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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