So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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