She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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