i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
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I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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