you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.