Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
