you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
