Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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