U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
