I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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