he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
