Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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