So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
