he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
