I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
