He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Randomize
