She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
