Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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