i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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