Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
