He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
