Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
