You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
