The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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