If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
