You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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